Financial issues in a relationship can be complex and challenging. It’s likely you’ll encounter some point in time where you want one thing and your partner wants another. In such situations, wouldn’t you prefer to avoid a money argument?
But how do you keep the peace without giving up what’s important to you?
Use these strategies to avoid an argument and negotiate your position effectively:
1. Refrain from taking offense. When you see your partner is getting “hot under the collar,” remind yourself their reaction is most likely not about you.
2. Listen and acknowledge your partner’s feelings and concerns. Although it’s important to pay attention to what the other person is saying, it’s actually just as critical to understand what they’re hoping to get across.Mirror back to them what they are saying and show you are not only listening but also understanding. Making sincere statements similar to, “I don’t blame you for feeling that way” or “I’d feel frustrated too if that happened to me” can help.
3. Avoid conveying strong emotions. One of the best ways to avoid an argument is to refrain from letting your own emotions run rampant over you. Just because someone else is upset doesn’t mean you have to be upset. Although you might find it necessary to respond in some way, keep in mind that calm objectivity is your friend in these situations.
4. Respond rather than react. Take time to think through how you can appropriately respond in a challenging situation. If you react too quickly to the other person’s emotions and comments, you might later regret your words or actions. Instead, think how you can fairly respond, even if you believe the other person is less than tactful.
5. Use appropriate voice tone and level. After you’ve thought about your response, state it using an even voice tone and low volume. Speaking loudly can escalate a conversation into an argument.
6. Take a cooling off period. If you notice your frustration or anger levels are rising, leave the room and take 5 or 10 minutes to formulate what you want to say. Feel free to let the other person know that you need to spend a few minutes thinking about this, but avoid storming out of the room while showing negative emotion. Instead, take a deep breath and inform the other person you need a small break. Nip an argument in the bud by indicating you plan to step out for a few moments.
7. Be willing to apologize. A simple apology like, “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean for that to happen” might be quite helpful in avoiding an argument.
8. Offer a mutual solution. The strategies above will help you temper the situation so that you can bring clarity of thought and open the door for ideas that you can both agree on. Talk with your partner about finding a balanced solution. If you each get something you desire, it’s likely you’ll both walk away from the situation feeling better.
Review the above strategies to build your skills at communicating effectively with your partner and the next time you find yourself approaching a money squabble, apply these methods to avoid an argument.
Have you had money arguments? How have you handled them? What has worked for you? What hasn’t worked?
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